You Guys Are Gross, or, I Ask For Dirty Text Messages

Today I asked you guys to send me dirty text messages.

And you did. Here's what I got.

As a courtesy, I cropped out people's phone numbers. If you want to claim something as your own, leave a comment.


This was the first message I received, from an anonymous benefactor. I must say that the imagery, while simple, is effective. Donkeys enjoy peanut butter, I am sure, so I imagine that there would be tongue action involved as well.


This benefactor offered two attempts, both noble and majestic, worth of royalty. Retarded, inbred royalty, of course, but royalty nonetheless.


Here we have @chelseabot living up to her name as a Twitter Shitter. As you can see by my text in green, I was initially confused; was she merely updating me as to her current hunger status, or was this a dirty, perverted code, passed along by generations of gross hobos and pickpockets, like in a Dickens story?


Some of you went the safe route, and offered me a more literal interpretation of the phrase, "dirty text.


Several of the messages I received left very little up to the
imagination.

My own brother got in on the action, offering a dead baby joke. That was pretty classy, I thought.

Some of the messages were even a little tender and sweet.


These final two were just... weird. How exactly do dishwashers intersect with ham? The funny thing is that both of them involve pigs, in certain ways. Is the first swine flu plus food equals surgeon and death, then poops and thumbs up? I'm so confused.

But it's @jules_party934 who won today! She took the initiative and left me this voicemail.




Audio, Web 2.0 company mentions, AND a sexy sign-off? How could she lose?!


Thanks for the lols, everyone; I hope y'all had as much fun as I did with this little project!